Shepherding Students Towards the Good Shepherd
As student ministry leaders, it’s always encouraging to hear that students enjoy being around us. Maybe you’ve heard someone say about their youth leaders, “the students just love them.” That’s great to hear, but it’s also worth asking: “why?” Do they love us because we plan fun things and make church exciting? Do they love us because we are goofballs just like them? Or is it because they know that our lives are rooted in God’s Word above all else? There’s a big difference between merely being liked by students and leading in a way that points students to Jesus. Knowing that difference might be one of the most important things we ever learn for the flourishing of students in our ministry.
One of my favorite passages in the New Testament comes from Titus 2, where Paul paints a picture of discipleship for the church. He calls older men and women to live with integrity, self-control, and sound faith, and to guide the younger generations by their example. The gospel should profoundly change the way we live, and our lives are meant to help others see that change up close.
That same idea shapes how we understand the kinds of relationships we cultivate with our students. Our goal is to pursue spiritual (not merely relational) connections with the students in our ministries. We do this by what we actively teach and model. So, before we worry about being creative or cool, or whether our students see us as their friends, we have to remember what godly relationships with them should look like.
Here are some practical reminders about how to cultivate godly relationships with students:
Show Up and Stay for a While
One of the best things I’ve ever heard at a ministry conference was this: “We overestimate what we can do in two years and underestimate what we can do in ten.” That has stuck with me.
Not every situation enables you to stay long-term, but something powerful happens when you show up and stay for a while: consistent, long-lasting relationships. For a lot of us, especially volunteers or bi-vocational leaders, that doesn’t require a decade of faithful presence. It might just mean being faithfully present in a particular season, showing up week after week, even when life’s busy and your energy starts to run low.
Consistency builds trust. It gives you time to really know families and earn the right to speak into a student’s life, what we often call “relational capital.” Relationships with students grow in stages like every relationship does—from “just getting to know you” to “you actually get me.” That takes time. Students need to see that the adults investing in them will still be there when things get messy. Showing up shows you care. Staying shows commitment. And when you stay long enough to see students move from middle school to high school, or even into adulthood, you’re demonstrating faithfulness to spiritually invest in them. At the end of the day, your presence often matters more than any program or event you could plan.
Maturing Disciples Make Maturing Disciples
Our relationship with students grows as our relationship with the Lord grows. You can only take people as far as you’re willing to go yourself. As we chase after Christ, they see it, and they often catch more than we ever actually teach.
Living rooted in Jesus means He becomes the center of everything. Students notice how we handle conflict, manage our time, treat our families, and respond when we mess up. Whether it’s at camp, on a mission trip, or just another Wednesday night, they’re watching us to see what following Jesus looks like. That doesn’t mean we have to be perfect. In fact, they might learn the most when they see how we own our mistakes (many teenagers have never had an adult sincerely apologize to them).
On one summer mission trip, we had to talk with a few young guys about their behavior. It wasn’t an easy conversation, but we slowed down, listened, and tried to help them grow. A few weeks later, something surprising happened. Those same students came back closer than before. They realized we weren’t just correcting them; we were walking with them. That’s discipleship: imperfect people chasing after Jesus together.
Maturing in Christ also means knowing our limits. Healthy discipleship has boundaries. We can’t be everything for every student, and that’s okay. Our role is to guide, not to replace parents, friends, or the Holy Spirit. Setting clear emotional and relational boundaries actually protects the trust we build by guarding against unhealthy co-dependent relationships. It reminds students that our care for them flows from Christ, not from our need to be needed or our personal abilities. Growth doesn’t come through perfection, but through honesty, grace, and time spent walking with Christ and one another. Maturity is an outgrowth of rightly ordered relationships with God and each other.
Shepherd the Whole Student
It’s easy to forget that every student is a whole person—mind, body, emotions, and spirit. Whether you lead three kids or three hundred, it’s important to remember they’re not projects to fix. They’re people to love.
As Rudyard Kipling once said, “Good shepherds smell like their sheep.” They spend time with the ones God has given them. That might mean going to a game, grabbing a quick meal after practice, or just remembering what’s going on in their world. When we really know our students—their families, their stories, their gifts—we can shepherd them to live as whole people for God’s glory and the good of His church.
Jesus is the model shepherd. He knew His disciples’ strengths and weaknesses. He loved them, served them, and led them patiently. He knew they would betray him, but he loved them and gave himself for them anyways. As under-shepherds, we lead students to the Good Shepherd. We embody his presence, patience, and compassion in order to help students grow into disciples who love Jesus with heart, soul, mind, and strength.
At the end of the day, the most powerful thing you can offer your students isn’t a perfect program or personality. It’s not being the funniest, most talented, or most experienced leader in the room. What matters most is showing up with a faithful, Christ-centered presence that points them to the Shepherd who lays down his life for his sheep.