Intentional Presence at Graduation and in the Summer

As I write this, graduation season will soon be upon us and youth pastors will fill their spare time with graduation parties, recognitions at church, and end-of-school events. The next few months offer some of the best opportunities for us to spend time with students outside, over meals, and at their homes. As I look forward to spending time with students, I’ve been reflecting on this question: is it enough to just show up? 

Much has been written about relationships in youth ministry, and what exactly it means to be incarnational. Do we pursue relationships without agenda, to avoid coming across as a salesman who’s trying to get the deal done? Or should we be meticulously intentional in our interactions with students, knowing that each time we’re with them could be the last conversation before they launch? There’s clearly a lot of middle ground, and there can be nuance across different levels of relationships with graduates. 

And yet, I think it’s wise for us to consider why we can’t simply show up.

Who Is Showing Up?

One of the questions I often pose to the seniors graduating from our ministry is, “Who are you becoming?” As they move on to their next steps, I encourage them to focus on character and formation instead of simply where they’re going and what they’re doing. 

Posing this question to them has caused me to ask myself a similar question as I go to games, concerts, and graduation parties: “Who is showing up?” 

At many of these events, I am literally just showing up, or at the most bringing a card and a gift. Yet at the same time, I am always bringing with me a host of things to these interactions. The state of mind I’m in, the time I’ve spent in communion with God, and the previous time I've spent ministering to these students are all factors that contribute to us showing up. When we just show up, who are we?

At this time of year, the NBA Playoffs are also ongoing, and they provide a good picture for how our prior preparation impacts the present. The players on the court have not simply shown up without any prior practice, like these are simply pickup games on the town court. Instead, all of the work they have put in contributes to their performance in these important games. 

We see a similar thing in the life of Jesus. He regularly withdrew from the crowds and his disciples to spend time in prayer and communion with the Father, such as in John 6 between feeding the 5,000 and walking on water. Jesus is our perfect example of this necessary combination of simple and loving presence with people which overflows from a consistent and abiding presence with God.

Two Ways to Show Up

As we seek to become these types of youth pastors, who go to our students’ events prepared, I want to suggest two ways we can prepare well. 

The first is one of the most foundational truths of our faith: We must abide in Jesus. In John 15:4, Jesus emphasizes just how necessary this is: “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.” When we are spending time in communion with our Lord, we are connected to the only source of life. 

It may seem basic or incredibly obvious, but I know that I have to be reminded continually to prioritize my communion with Christ. Amidst the busyness of ministry, preparing to teach, family life, summer calendars, and all of the odd-jobs youth pastors end up doing, it can be easy to push our personal relationship with Jesus to the bottom of the list. But when we do that, we show up in our students’ lives as “Alex, the prideful, insufficient youth pastor” instead of “Alex, the joyful, grace-given child of God”. May we abide in Jesus first before all else.

The second way we can prepare well is by having shown up in our students’ lives consistently. Clearly, the first few times we show up at a student’s game, party, or house for dinner we won’t have a depth of relationship. But over time, the more consistently we are present with our students the more meaningful our appearance will be. 

This is not meant to emphasize how valuable we are to our particular students, but rather, to reflect what Eugene Peterson called “a long obedience in the same direction.” Perhaps one of the reasons Jesus used a lot of agricultural imagery to describe discipleship is because it’s often slow and steady work. As I think about the people who have been most impactful in my life, it’s those who have been around for a while and in the mundane times, not the people who popped in and out for the big events. The relational groundwork we build over time contributes greatly to our ability to minister the next time we show up.

Intentional Presence

It’s not possible for us to have relationships without an agenda. Keep in mind that our agenda usually defaults to fun and being a buddy unless we intentionally aim for something else. Yet it’s also not beneficial for us to focus our disciple-making agenda as if all we need is the perfect five-step plan. 

Rather, when we show up in the lives of our students, may we come prepared as authentic disciples of Jesus. This requires intentionality, as we prepare for those moments before we get there. Making a good impression in the moment is not the end goal. Loving our students well is. At the core, this boils down to loving God and loving others. As we show up this summer, may we be faithful youth pastors who embody intentional presence that’s an overflow of our abiding in Jesus.